Poll

BP710 Story Ideas     Deadlines for selection: November 22, 2017

Death Be Not Proud-The final days of T'Chaka the Black Panther
1 (16.7%)
Lost in Space-The search for the Vibranium asteroid field
2 (33.3%)
Doomwar-The Black Payback: T'Challa v Doom as it should've been
0 (0%)
Black on Black violence-The on panel fight between the Black Panther and Black Dwarf
0 (0%)
Where is the Love-The romance of T'Challa and Ororo
0 (0%)
Sweat of the Panther-Steampunk Wakanda
1 (16.7%)
Beware Of Geek's Reply #4210 on: October 22, 2017, 07:39:29 am
1 (16.7%)
Battle's Supreme nomination  Reply #4208 on: October 22, 2017, 04:59:32 am
1 (16.7%)
Kickin' it with Kip Lewis Reply #4238 on: October 25, 2017, 08:21:20 pm
0 (0%)
Other
0 (0%)

Total Members Voted: 3

Voting closed: November 22, 2017, 07:45:54 pm

Author Topic: BP710:THE PROTOCOLS  (Read 1094861 times)

Offline supreme illuminati

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Re: BP710:THE PROTOCOLS - INTERLUDE - Fireflies
« Reply #4590 on: June 24, 2019, 06:46:47 pm »
I REALLY liked this style of storytelling. To me? This is the real storytelling. The detailed descriptions, the colors, the scents, the sounds, the textures, the touch, the surprise twist at the end. The poetry. Imo fanfic is far too often focused on dialogue, and wholly omits or treats as unimportant the vital details of environment, of the senses, of the mind, of the heart. Skips errantly and arrogantly over the craft of writing, the power of detailed narrative, the poetic, the emotional, the breathtaking action, the pulse pounding edge of the seat thriller writing, the very things that make the difference between "decent" and "good", "good" and "very good", "very good" and "great". Imo dialogue only focused writing compared to full scale full scope writing is like comparing a sketch, an outline to the imagination incarnate. It's like conflating a diet entree for the filling main course, or comparing a Instagram snapshot to The Star Trek Enterprise Holosuites.

What you wrote? That's real writing, which is a vanishing but vital skill that is uniquely important. Like The Art of Conversation.

I really liked the hook at the end, wherein T'Challa granted Black Bolt both the challenge of the mountain and weather as well as the boon of speaking those 3 magic words [ without destroying anything ] to his wife. I assume the "rock python" that caught the falling Black Bolt was either a real python who worked with/was controlled by your version of Medusa, or was part of her hair like the mythical Greek Medusa. A little Marvel Universe 710 creative license...which was foreshadowed by Ultimate Marvel Medusa




and Marvel 1602 "The Four Who Are Frightful" Medusa [ Madam Medusa ].


And as always, the art you share regarding BP, Shuri, etc is absolutely staggering. Loved every one of them, except the weird "almost more cat than man" BP. I still liked it, in a kind of "you have to be in the mood for this kind of thing" way...but I didn't love it, like I did the more traditional pix.

« Last Edit: June 24, 2019, 09:51:19 pm by supreme illuminati »
I AM THAT WHICH GODS,DEMONS,IMMORTALS AND ANGELS FEAR.I AM THAT WHICH PERFECTION ITSELF ASPIRES TO BE
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Offline Battle

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Re: BP710:THE PROTOCOLS - INTERLUDE - Fireflies
« Reply #4591 on: June 24, 2019, 06:54:43 pm »
I really liked the hook at the end, wherein T'Challa granted Black Bolt both the challenge of the mountain and weather as well as the boon of speaking without destroying anything ] to his wife, Medusa, and telling her those 3 magic words. I assume the "rock python" that caught the falling Black Bolt was either a real python who worked with/was controlled by your version of Medusa, or was part of her hair like the mythical Greek Medusa. A little Marvel Universe 710 creative license.




That was Black Bolt climbing this mountain to meet Black Panther?  ???

Online CvilleWakandan

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Re: BP710:THE PROTOCOLS - INTERLUDE - Fireflies
« Reply #4592 on: June 24, 2019, 08:48:13 pm »
Oh, it is. lol.

That's what happens when I read too fast.
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Re: BP710:THE PROTOCOLS - INTERLUDE - Fireflies
« Reply #4593 on: June 24, 2019, 09:49:23 pm »
I really liked the hook at the end, wherein T'Challa granted Black Bolt both the challenge of the mountain and weather as well as the boon of speaking without destroying anything ] to his wife, Medusa, and telling her those 3 magic words. I assume the "rock python" that caught the falling Black Bolt was either a real python who worked with/was controlled by your version of Medusa, or was part of her hair like the mythical Greek Medusa. A little Marvel Universe 710 creative license.




That was Black Bolt climbing this mountain to meet Black Panther?  ???

Since T'Challa already climbed that mountain successfully as part of his Rites of the Panther? I think it was Black Bolt climbing to meet Medusa. That mountain was rife with The Gift...Vibranium...which is the only Earthly substance of power sufficient enough to absorb Black Bolt's speaking voice to a "regular" pitch, timber, etc. R to the H was the first to broach this in The House of M story he wrote. T'Challa presided over this meeting, or was present for it. That's why Black Bolt said:"Thank you" to T'Challa, and T'Challa nodded.
I AM THAT WHICH GODS,DEMONS,IMMORTALS AND ANGELS FEAR.I AM THAT WHICH PERFECTION ITSELF ASPIRES TO BE
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http://archiveofourown.org/works/663070
Sub my YouTube with the world's first and only viral "capoeira" gun disarm technique: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZM5F_qg2oFw

Offline Ture

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Re: BP710:THE PROTOCOLS - INTERLUDE - Fireflies
« Reply #4594 on: June 24, 2019, 09:53:03 pm »
I really liked the hook at the end, wherein T'Challa granted Black Bolt both the challenge of the mountain and weather as well as the boon of speaking without destroying anything ] to his wife, Medusa, and telling her those 3 magic words. I assume the "rock python" that caught the falling Black Bolt was either a real python who worked with/was controlled by your version of Medusa, or was part of her hair like the mythical Greek Medusa. A little Marvel Universe 710 creative license.

That was Black Bolt climbing this mountain to meet Black Panther?  ???

Since T'Challa already climbed that mountain successfully as part of his Rites of the Panther? I think it was Black Bolt climbing to meet Medusa. That mountain was rife with The Gift...Vibranium...which is the only Earthly substance of power sufficient enough to absorb Black Bolt's speaking voice to a "regular" pitch, timber, etc. R to the H was the first to broach this in The House of M story he wrote. T'Challa presided over this meeting, or was present for it. That's why Black Bolt said:"Thank you" to T'Challa, and T'Challa nodded.

You got it Brother Supreme.
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Offline Ture

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Re: BP710:THE PROTOCOLS - INTERLUDE - Fireflies
« Reply #4595 on: June 24, 2019, 10:19:29 pm »
>>>Ture

re: BP710:THE PROTOCOLS - Interlude - Fireflies




Is this some sort of ritual?   

To climb a dangerously high mountain, and in this scenario,  T'Challa nearly falling to his death only to be saved by an ancient giant snake, to meet with his beloved...?

...and Black Bolt?  :-\

It was Black Bolt who was climbing the mountain to meet with Medusa. I left several clues. First, "He could have flown to the summit," second "Ur Kilima" translates as great mound. Another clue it was Black Bolt was the comment he made about her hair "flowing as if it had a life all its own." There were clues like "never saying the words I love you." and "He tries to speak but he is afraid." and this gem  "You never had the opportunity to hear me tell you."  "You never heard me propose to you."  "This day you will hear all my emotions... all my feelings."

It wasn't a ritual. It was the only place on earth where Black Bolt could speak freely. I would appreciate some feedback on how I could have made it more clear without giving it away Battle.
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Re: BP710:THE PROTOCOLS - INTERLUDE - Fireflies
« Reply #4596 on: June 24, 2019, 10:29:49 pm »

I like this form of storytelling, seems like 70s or 80s comic narration.

Im guessing the snake is a reference to the Panthers Quest cartoon.

Is he climbing to get more heartshaped herb for the ceremony?

I like this form of storytelling too CvilleWakandan. I was definitely trying to channel my inner McGregor, whom I thought was a gifted writer. I loved Panther's Rage as a child. The snake was indeed homage to Redjack's great cartoon. As you now know it wasn't BP climbing, it was BB, so no heart shaped herb and no ceremony.
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Re: BP710:THE PROTOCOLS - INTERLUDE - Fireflies
« Reply #4597 on: June 24, 2019, 10:34:10 pm »
I dunno...

Reads as if MacGregor wrote this.   I really wasn't into MacGregor's 'Black Panther' Harlequin romance style of storytelling.  :-\

I hear you. I was going for a different writing style for this part of  BP710:THE PROTOCOLS. I wanted to see if I could flesh out a story with very little dialogue. It was indeed McGregor-esque.
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Re: BP710:THE PROTOCOLS - INTERLUDE - Fireflies
« Reply #4598 on: June 24, 2019, 10:40:51 pm »
I was thrown off because BB climbing a mountain in Wakanda would be one of those last things I imagined scenarios.  Lol.

If he was just walking through one of the veins in the mine, I might have caught on.
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Re: BP710:THE PROTOCOLS - INTERLUDE - Fireflies
« Reply #4599 on: June 24, 2019, 10:48:41 pm »
I REALLY liked this style of storytelling. To me? This is the real storytelling. The detailed descriptions, the colors, the scents, the sounds, the textures, the touch, the surprise twist at the end. The poetry. Imo fanfic is far too often focused on dialogue, and wholly omits or treats as unimportant the vital details of environment, of the senses, of the mind, of the heart. Skips errantly and arrogantly over the craft of writing, the power of detailed narrative, the poetic, the emotional, the breathtaking action, the pulse pounding edge of the seat thriller writing, the very things that make the difference between "decent" and "good", "good" and "very good", "very good" and "great". Imo dialogue only focused writing compared to full scale full scope writing is like comparing a sketch, an outline to the imagination incarnate. It's like conflating a diet entree for the filling main course, or comparing a Instagram snapshot to The Star Trek Enterprise Holosuites.

What you wrote? That's real writing, which is a vanishing but vital skill that is uniquely important. Like The Art of Conversation.

I really liked the hook at the end, wherein T'Challa granted Black Bolt both the challenge of the mountain and weather as well as the boon of speaking those 3 magic words [ without destroying anything ] to his wife. I assume the "rock python" that caught the falling Black Bolt was either a real python who worked with/was controlled by your version of Medusa, or was part of her hair like the mythical Greek Medusa. A little Marvel Universe 710 creative license...which was foreshadowed by Ultimate Marvel Medusa




and Marvel 1602 "The Four Who Are Frightful" Medusa [ Madam Medusa ].


And as always, the art you share regarding BP, Shuri, etc is absolutely staggering. Loved every one of them, except the weird "almost more cat than man" BP. I still liked it, in a kind of "you have to be in the mood for this kind of thing" way...but I didn't love it, like I did the more traditional pix.



Hands down one of the best critiques one could ask for. You totally got it and as always Supreme, you demonstrate your consummate knowledge of writing fiction and grasping the narrative. By the way it was a real python operating on its own initiative. Quick question, which one was the "almost more cat than man" BP" Supreme?

Again humble gratitude and great appreciation for what you wrote.
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Re: BP710:THE PROTOCOLS - INTERLUDE - Fireflies
« Reply #4600 on: June 24, 2019, 11:07:14 pm »
I was thrown off because BB climbing a mountain in Wakanda would be one of those last things I imagined scenarios.  Lol.

If he was just walking through one of the veins in the mine, I might have caught on.

Thank you CvilleWakandan I will work toward paying more detail to character and environment next time.



COMING SOON...


BLACK PANTHER

MEETS

THE UNCANNY  X-MEN
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Offline Ture

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Re: BP710:THE PROTOCOLS - CHAPTER 4 STORM WATCH
« Reply #4601 on: June 25, 2019, 10:43:29 am »


What is with all the scribe tech?



I'm writing a superhero screenplay.



Why?



Well brother, if you kept up with social media you would know that superheroes have been the hottest thing in movies... for I don't know... a decade!



You are telling me about social media, what do you know?



More than you.



I can't wait to see this on the holoscreen.



Sarcasm noted.



What is it about?



I'm doing great things with this character brother. He or she, I haven't decided yet, is born of parents who were scientific geniuses and master martial artist with great insight.



Sounds familiar.



So you think. They send their child off to a distant land...America... to take advantage of his or her meta genotype. In this land of the free and home of the brave he or she can be all they can be... a true patriot. During late adolescence as his or her meta genes are expressing themselves he or she is bitten by a radioactive bat that gives this young man...



Or woman.



... An uncanny radar sense. During college he...



Or she.



Is on a trip to Japan when the Tokaimura nuclear accident occurs. Bathed in that radiation, she... I decided it will be a woman... in times of stress or depression can transform herself into a perfectly built, drop dead gorgeous, super genius iteration of herself by screaming Kamilifu!!! After graduating college she builds herself a wearable headquarters she calls the shell. Her great agility comes from eating magic seeds found by a mystical squirrel. Her ability to fly...



Enough. Why didn't you just write a story about the Black Panther?



Brother... your ego...



I didn't say it had to be about me.



A Black Panther movie... it would never sell.







And In Case You've Missed It...

BP710:THE PROTOCOLS - Interlude - Fireflies

Dawn. He stands at the base of the mountain and inhales deeply. He looks up seeking to view the summit only to witness a halo of clouds. He exhales slowly and braces himself as he takes in the enormity of the task before him. Once more he gazes towards the mountaintop, almost seeking assurance. There is none. He starts the climb. No ropes, no anchors, he climbs. No high tech safety net to catch him if he falls. He ascends, knowing he will have no respite. He has to reach his destination by dusk, for it is then that the fireflies come out. The hours pass unmercifully slow. He climbs.

He could have flown to the summit. He could have chosen any Wakandan air craft but he is a king and while he may have nothing to prove to his people, he still has something left to prove to himself. He climbs. The mountain's name is Ur Kilima and it rests in the heart of the Wakandan tropical rain forest. While less than one fifth the size of the Congo's lush jungle it is the lung of Wakanda. Legend states that Ur Kilima grew taller than any other mountain so that it may receive the gift. The foliage is hyper verdant radiating a cacophony of colors, bathing the forest floor in an eerie luminescent glow. He climbs.

Even with his augmented strength the ascent is still arduous. With every armbar, every heelhook and backstep he thinks of her. She has always been there and he has always loved her. In fact she may have been his first love considering they met as children. It was her eyes and her hair that made that first impression. The former so exotic, so intoxicating, the latter flowing as if it had a life all its own. Sure there have been other women, he is royalty. Flirtations, dalliances and palace intrigues are par for the course. She however is consistent, consummate and indelibly etched on the canvas that is his heart. He contemplates never saying the words I love you. He climbs.

The forest decides to demonstrate its control over its environ. The lungs of Wakanda exhale and the clouds descend blanketing the forest, causing a steep rise in humidity and temperature. A storm is brewing. The gale force winds push at Ur Kilima as the thunder yells at her. Lightening prick her surface repeatedly. It is all he can do to just hang on after enduring two direct lightening strikes. Then comes the rain. So heavy is the downpour that the rivers spill over the plateau causing giant cascades of falling water. Time to move. Narrowly evading a massive waterfall, he climbs.

Hand and foot holds made all the more precarious by the rain water cause him to slip. Free fall. Before he can act a large form snatches him out of the air. It is a massive female rock python. It looks prehistoric as he estimates its length to be more than ten meters. Its weight close to two hundred kilos. He readies himself for battle then double takes. The python almost appears to be smiling, not one of ill intent but a welcoming smile. She turns and slithers off westward. He follows the python towards the setting sun. He realizes he has reached the summit and there before him, silhouetted, she stands. 

He has traveled this path several times over the past few months trying to prepare for this moment. Tears pooling in his eyes. He tries to speak but he is afraid. A reassuring hand touches his shoulder and he whispers "I love you." The hand gently nudges him forward and he speaks the words again this time louder. "I love you." Coruscating fireflies illuminate her countenance. "You never had the opportunity to hear me tell you." Tear flow unceasingly from both their eyes. "You never heard me propose to you." He holds her hand. "This day you will hear all my emotions... all my feelings." They embrace and the fireflies dance displaying a band of colors, like those seen in a rainbow. While holding his beloved he slowly turns and mouths the words "Thank you." In reply the Black Panther nods to Black bolt.

« Last Edit: July 06, 2019, 11:23:09 pm by Ture »
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Offline Battle

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Re: BP710:THE PROTOCOLS - INTERLUDE - Fireflies
« Reply #4602 on: June 25, 2019, 04:57:39 pm »
>>>Ture



Very good.  :)

Regardless of any of my criticism as I will always offer any feedback should you require it, you are well on your way to becoming a great writer.   

So, when are you gonna come out with some real stuff for us to read?

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Re: BP710:THE PROTOCOLS - INTERLUDE - Fireflies
« Reply #4603 on: June 26, 2019, 04:30:29 am »
I will admit, I was confused the First time around reading this. I think part of what threw me off was the part "He could of flown, he could of chosen any Wakandan aircraft"

As well as reading too fast the first time as well. When slowing down and reading it again it makes sense, but even still it's a very well out together read. The details, the dialogue, the inner feelings it's very well done. I was able to paint a very good mental picture of the scene in my head.

This is one hell of a chapter. I like the shift in tone, I wasn't the biggest fan of McGregor but I admit he had some beautiful poetics and could get you wrapped up in the moment. I look forward to the next chapter. And I also look forward to the day we see these great visuals your describing

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Re: BP710:THE PROTOCOLS - INTERLUDE - Fireflies
« Reply #4604 on: June 26, 2019, 10:10:37 am »
>>>Ture


Also remember, consider your audience.

Comicbook writing is a compromise of sequential art, popular culture & serial storytelling.  Comicbook writing is a little bit of everything for almost every age group who are passionate enthusiasts of the medium.

Mario Puzo (writer of 'The Godfather') tried to write for MARVEL and failed.

Why?   Because he couldn't conform to the comicbook format and audience at the time.  He needed another writer's platform to present his ideas.
Mr. Puzo needed a platform like Hollywood.

The comicbook format in the 1960s & 1970s is VERY different from today. 

In my opinion, the comicbook format is very, very simplified, today.  Similar to a storyboarding & screenplay writing.  Mr. Puzo would've fared much better in this modern format.



My point is to not confuse your readers but to cleverly draw them in without alienating them.
« Last Edit: June 26, 2019, 02:00:19 pm by Battle »