Author Topic: Your Child Is Acting Like An Asshole And Itís Your Fault  (Read 1789 times)

Offline Reginald Hudlin

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Your Child Is Acting Like An Asshole And Itís Your Fault
« on: January 18, 2015, 08:07:36 am »
Your Child Is Acting Like An Asshole And Itís Your Fault


Recent brunch experience:

Me: Table for three?

Smartly dressed parents: Well, we need a minute. Sweetie, what do you want for brunch? Do you want eggs? Do you want to stay here?

Toddler: DAK!

Smartly dressed parents: Oh, okay honey.  Sorry, he wants pancakes. You donít have those do you?  Weíll have to come back.

Of course, I start laughing, because they have to be joking, right?

Theyíre not. They look at me, visibly confused and a little angry.

Toddler: BAAAA!
Smartly dressed parents: Sorry, he really wants pancakes. We have to go. But weíll be back!

Two things:

First, I thought DAK! was pancakes. Thatís what he said initially. What the hell is BAA? Oh, maybe itís eggs Florentine. We have that, so you should stay. Or maybe heís 14 months old and isnít saying anything. That could be a possibility, right?

Second, please donít come back. Youíre failing miserably at parenting, and may be a bad influence on the rest of the new mothers and fathers that like to hang around these parts. When did our toddlers start deciding what we have for brunch? Actually I shouldnít say that. My child always decides what I have for brunch. Itís usually an English muffin with cream cheese because those things are stocked with some regularity in my fridge.

We donít go out to brunch. My son is 15 months old. He wants to toddle around, yell, and throw things. He mostly loves being the loudest voice in the room and tossing things over his shoulder, like he couldnít possibly have any use for them. These things are totally awesome (to me) and totally normal for a kid his age. Which is why I donít attempt to strap him to a high chair for an hour, in public, before Iíve had my first cup of coffee.

That is just the obvious choice, for me.

But I digress. Back to these particular parents, and their foodie toddler. Their toddler is literally deciding what they are having for breakfast. This is not okay. This is why most children you meet these days are little assholes. This is why the future of civilization as we know it is basically doomed.

Somewhere in the last decade or so, the kids got all the power. Parents of the world: Weíve got to get it back.
As I write this, my beautiful, perfect child is licking the floor. Oooh, now heís seeing if he can fit his whole foot in his mouth. Do you think it is appropriate for this unrefined being to decide where weíll be brunching today? No. Itís not.

Herein lies my first guess about our collective loss of parenting power;  we have become so obsessed with ďmilestonesĒ and if our children are reaching them, that we are constantly pushing them to be more advanced than they are, and actually believing our own bullsh*t.

For example, your 13 month old isnít perusing the menu Ė sheís guesstimating how much of it she can fit into her mouth. That is normal. That is fine. What is not normal, is assuming that she is doing anything other than the obvious. You see, when you are operating on the assumption that this little being you created has as much intelligence as you do, it starts to seem normal to defer decision making to said being. You never hear parents bragging about how much their child likes to try shoving their rolled up dirty diaper in their mouth, or how they have an amazing affinity for sucking on slippers. I mean, why brag about that stuff? Itís base, and sort of barbaric, and not very impressive. Better to talk about how theyíve mastered sign language to communicate all of their needs, can pick out their favorite bedtime story, and know how to say ďclap handsĒ in Spanish. Right?

Wrong. Vicious cycle begins. We become so paranoid about keeping up with other parents and their super accomplished children that we never really honestly speak about our parenting pitfalls Ė about how unimpressive our childís development might really be. We just constantly want to keep up, I mean, Iím not a good parent if my child isnít keeping up, right? So rather than seeing our children for what they are, we push them to be what theyíre not.

And they end up deciding where we are having brunch.
That is how it happens.

Your child isnít saying pancakes Ė and thatís okay. And you are the parent and get to decide what youíre having for breakfast Ė and thatís okay, too. Stop seeing your child as the next Steve Jobs, and start seeing him as a little animal that needs training and guidance.

The future of our civilization is depending on it.

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Offline Battle

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Re: Your Child Is Acting Like An Asshole And Itís Your Fault
« Reply #1 on: January 22, 2015, 08:28:26 am »
Saw this article inside a newspaper 'around my way'.   Thought I'd share.  :)

Boomerang Kids
from Golden Life,  vol.2,  No.4   January 2015

They're called "Boomerang Kids" --- adult children who move back into their family home after college or when they are unemployed and looking for work. While the trend has been growing for the last decade --- it began when the high cost of living in many areas pushed young adults out of the housing market --- many adult offspring are now returning to live with their parents in response to credit card debt, student loan obligations and a tight job market. According to U.S. Census data, 5 million Americans between the ages of 25 and 35 are living with their parents --- approximately twice the number who did so in 1960.  If your empty nest is about to be refilled, here are some suggestions for making the arrangement work for all involved.  Be both caring and candid.  For many young adults, moving back home feels like a failure. 

Yet, in these trying economic times, it may be the best plan around.  Before the big move back, sit down and as a family to talk openly and honestly about everyone's expectations.  One of the most important items on the agenda should be how to talk about and resolve issues and disagreements that will inevitably arise somewhere down the road.  Let your kids know that you care, but insist on mapping out a plan for their stay that takes into consideration your needs as well as theirs.

Start with an end game.  Don't be afraid to ask for a limit on the length of your child's stay.  The move-out date can always be renegotiated depending on future circumstances, but it is often helpful for everyone to have a timeframe in mind.

Talk dollars and sense. It's essential to come to an agreement about money before the move takes place.  Do you expect your child to pay rent and/or contribute money to cover other living expenses?  There is no right or wrong arrangement, as long as is clear about its terms.

Encourage but don't enable.  Among the biggest challenges of a "reunited" family is to avoid falling back into old roles and patterns.  Just because your daughter or son is living in his/her childhood room shouldn't signal a return to childhood. Treat your child like an adult, but expect adult behavior as well.

Establish boundaries.  By being explicit about your expectations and house rules, you can avoid disagreements and arguments.  Common conflict areas include drug/alcohol use, overnight guests, use of profanity, music volume, privacy rights and others.  Some parents create contracts that spell out house rules.  If you take that route, be sure to specify and discuss the consequences of breaking the rules and be prepared to make good on them.