Author Topic: Fan Fiction  (Read 531 times)

Offline Battle

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Re: Fan Fiction
« Reply #15 on: July 12, 2020, 12:45:05 pm »
>>>Supreme





Thanks for the reply!  :)

When time permits, I'll take a look at it.

Offline CvilleWakandan

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Re: Fan Fiction
« Reply #16 on: July 12, 2020, 12:56:49 pm »
You need to be careful with repetitive, non distinct phrasing in your word usage; instead, look for opportunities to creatively elaborate your descriptions.

The highlighted examples in the first paragraph:

Quote
Tchalla and Ikoko sat in the local amphitheater watching a live play. The play was the third edition of a series titled “The Tales of S’Yan”. This edition depicted S’Yan during his time as Black Panther. It showed him in combat fighting against two invaders. It had multiple acts because the two invaders would recover very quickly and S’Yan had to come up with multiple ways of trying to defeat them while overcoming their remarkable tracking skills and razor sharp claws. After the play let out, the couple headed to a small tea house and sat to discuss the big event of tomorrow.


We may understand what you mean, however, there are readers out there that do not; a lot of readers desire more description than "It"

I was going for vague on purpose knowing that if I ever posted it you guys would know who it was, but I think I can change it so its not repetitive.

The longer plan was to either write that story in full or use it in another side story as space filler
Reggie Hudlin-
 "I think my Panther run traumatized a lot of folks with its explicit blackness.  But you can't win unless you commit to something."

Offline Battle

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Re: Fan Fiction
« Reply #17 on: July 12, 2020, 01:17:43 pm »
I was going for vague on purpose knowing that if I ever posted it you guys would know who it was, but I think I can change it so its not repetitive.

The longer plan was to either write that story in full or use it in another side story as space filler



Understood.   

Let's see what how the story looks without the discrepancies:



Tchalla and Ikoko sat in the local amphitheater watching a live play.

The play was the third edition of a series titled “The Tales of S’Yan”. 

After the play let out, the couple headed to a small tea house and sat* to discuss the big event of tomorrow.









Now the story moves! The story is no longer slowed down. 

~ but ~

The reader may want to know,  "What exactly is 'The Tales of S'Yan'?"




Addendum:  the highlighted words can be removed*
« Last Edit: July 12, 2020, 03:49:32 pm by Battle »

Offline CvilleWakandan

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Re: Fan Fiction
« Reply #18 on: July 12, 2020, 01:37:23 pm »
Doesn't the sentance before describe what it is? "The third edition describing his time as Black Panther.
Reggie Hudlin-
 "I think my Panther run traumatized a lot of folks with its explicit blackness.  But you can't win unless you commit to something."

Offline Battle

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Re: Fan Fiction
« Reply #19 on: July 12, 2020, 01:54:48 pm »
Doesn't the sentance before describe what it is? "The third edition describing his time as Black Panther.






Why not have T'Challa and Ikoko discuss 'Tales of S'Yan' in addition to 'The Big Event' at the tea house?
« Last Edit: July 12, 2020, 06:17:32 pm by Battle »

Offline CvilleWakandan

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Re: Fan Fiction
« Reply #20 on: July 12, 2020, 02:00:33 pm »
Doesn't the sentance before describe what it is? "The third edition describing his time as Black Panther.






Why have T'Challa and Ikoko discuss 'Tales of S'Yan' in addition to 'The Big Event' at the tea house?

Maybe add some dialogue of Tchalla jokynly saying S'Yan was lucky adamantium hadn't been added to their skeletons yet. Ikoko would as how long it would take Tchalla to defeat both at the same time.
Reggie Hudlin-
 "I think my Panther run traumatized a lot of folks with its explicit blackness.  But you can't win unless you commit to something."

Offline Battle

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Re: Fan Fiction
« Reply #21 on: July 12, 2020, 02:08:57 pm »
Maybe add some dialogue of Tchalla jokynly saying S'Yan was lucky adamantium hadn't been added to their skeletons yet. Ikoko would as how long it would take Tchalla to defeat both at the same time.



As long as the discussion between T'Challa and Ikoko agrees with these 2 sentences:



It showed him in combat fighting against two invaders.

It had multiple acts because the two invaders would recover very quickly and S’Yan had to come up with multiple ways of trying to defeat them while overcoming their remarkable tracking skills and razor sharp claws.




You may want to give a little more information about 'Tales of S'Yan' but not  let the play overshadow the goal of 'The Big Event' unless the play has relevance to the entire story.
« Last Edit: July 12, 2020, 02:11:02 pm by Battle »

Offline CvilleWakandan

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Re: Fan Fiction
« Reply #22 on: August 01, 2020, 09:16:06 am »
The final part of the revenge arc

Panthers Revenge Finale

Tchalla waited in his mobile office on a beach of a nameless island in the Caribbean. Aziza and Abeeku patrolled the forest area that bordered the beach. Twenty yards from Tchallas’ office sat a chair. In the chair was Namora who had an explosive collar around her neck. A couple hours ago Tchalla sent an image of this situation to Namor on the same frequency used by the Illuminati. As Tchalla waited, he reviewed the plan that was intended to finish the Atlantian King permanently. The right people had money put in their accounts and Atlantean politicians had been promised a Vibranium trade to look the other way when their King was dead. As the sun began to descend from its’ zenith, a wave of water could be seen on the horizon. The Atlantean King burst from the water and landed on the beach. Tchalla stepped out of the office giving no greeting. He looked toward Namora and signaled her with a hand gesture. Suddenly she shimmered and transformed into Vibraxus who had leard to vibrate his body to take the image of other people. Namor had a curious look on his face, but before he could say anything Aziza and Abeeku activated remotes they carried and an energy field began to surround the island. Before it closed completely, the three young Wakandans teleported out. The only two left were Tchalla and Namor. The two of them knew that words were pointless. Namor made the first move.

 He charged in as was his custom. Tchalla moved aside with the quickness of a jungle cat. As Namor landed and turned, Tchalla was on him in a flash, purple energy swirling around his gloves. He punched Namor with the accuracy of a trained boxer hitting him right on “the button”. Namor stopped moving momentarily as his brain could no longer give his body orders. Tchalla used the opportunity to throw a strong uppercut. Unfortunately Tchalla hit him too hard and sent him high into the air. This gave Namor the precious seconds he needed. Using his mutant powers, he stayed in the air to collect himself. Analyzing his mistake, Tchalla moved a few steps ahead in the plan. He knew that as strong as his Vb weave suit was, it would only stand up to Namors’ strength for so long. He reached onto his belt and began to run down the beach. Namor followed in the air quickly catching up. Tchalla stopped and turned. At that moment Namor would swear he saw a smile beneath Tchallas’ mask. In his hand was a remote. When Tchalla pressed the button the area around him began to shimmer and three large cargo containers appeared. When the doors opened, a total of nine Mark I sentinels stepped out. They immediately began firing their legendary hand lasers at Namor. He managed to dodge the first few, but got hit several time. Before falling to the ground he took off higher to the sky. The energy shield limited how high he could go, but it gave him a good distance from the robots. Six of the nine took off in pursuit and the other three stayed on the ground to provide covering fire. Tchalla walked back to his office and put a kettle on to make tea. He monitored the battle using cameras feeds coming from the robots.

It was around four in the afternoon by the time Namor disabled the last robot. They were tougher than usual because Tchalla put a layer of Vb on their outer casing. Namor limped to the office where Tchalla was waiting for him. He launched a strait right punch at Tchalla. The Panther King caught the punch with his gloved hand. No purple energy was required. This island was selected because it had no waster access other than the ocean. Namor was dried out from the fight with the sentinels and was now no stronger than Spider-Man. Tchalla held his fist for a moment longer than pulled Namor towards him. Activating his energy dagger in his opposite hand, he removed the King of Atlantis’ head. The body dropped and the head rolled a few feet away.

Tchalla arrived in the NGC a few hours later. He descended to a crowd of cheering citizens. As he stepped off the royal transport, he could hear his name being shouted by everyone in unison. He stood before his people and raised the dead kings’ head for them all to see. A pike had been placed in the cities’ central government courtyard. The crowd followed him there and he placed the head upon it. “At last” he thought, “the dead can rest in peace”.

For now this would have to be enough. Thanos was still out there, but with combined forces of the Chitari and the Black Quadrant, he would have to wait.

Tchalla arrived to his royal apartment after meeting with well-wishers. Akiko was waiting for him having arrived through the gate an hour ago. She wore only a silk head scarf and the setting sun was beautifully absorbed into her ebony skin. The poets would say that this was the night the Royal Prince was conceived.
The tribal council held an emergency session to name March 1st after Tchalla and have it become a national holiday. The celebrations carried on into the early morning. The coming Prince would have a large group of cousins with similar birthdays. Panther Island celebrated as well. Unfortunately, a guard at the prison had a little too much to drink and accidently hit the emergency override that released the prisoners.

New troubles would be coming with the dawn.
Reggie Hudlin-
 "I think my Panther run traumatized a lot of folks with its explicit blackness.  But you can't win unless you commit to something."

Offline CKW

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Re: Fan Fiction
« Reply #23 on: August 02, 2020, 10:44:59 am »
Nice use of Vibraxus' skill set.