So I'm on my way home and I'm taking the dreaded route through Bixby Knolls.This route isn't so dreaded any more,but back when I was a teenager? A brutha could possibly be taking his life in his hands simply by passing through and being Black in public view of the Bixby Knolls cops.Anyway...an old acquaintance of mine has a martial arts and video recording studio and stuff there.I'm returning from a long business meeting with him as he tries to convince me to put my knowledge on DVD and sell it. (He doesn't know that me and jefferson sargeant already got the HOOD SELF DEFENSE DVD thang workin.Lololol.Maybe one day jefferson and I might stop joking about that and really do it...) Anywho,I step down the hall to the elevator and get in.I'm only 5'7" and 158 pounds or so...and I look significantly younger than I am.I look like I'm in my early 20's.I still manage to scare into silence the 6 or 8 White folks...all but 2 of whom are male and range from my height to jonathan's size...but I caught the tail end of Giganimous Republican Suit White Guy saying:"...we need to do Obama and all the rest of those monkeys the way that cartoon of the cops in the Post said we should..." and this observation was met with raucous laughter until I--one of "the rest of those monkeys"--entered the elevator.
20 second ride to the Lobby.Total,somewhat uncomfy silence on their part.Furtive glances at me.Ohmygawdhemightbeagangbanger!LookithisGLOVESandOHMYGAWDHEHASAKNIIIFE!!
Yeah.I was demonstrating knife and gun disarms with plastic facsimiles.I forgot to take one of them off of my waist.I was still rockin my black gi pants and...FLEX will love this...I had MMA gloves on.Forgot to take those off too.
When the door opened for the Lobby,you woulda thought it was the green light given at a drag race.Those White folks literally bumped into each other as they bolted away from me.I didn't even have time to make a witty remark before they all flew out the various building exits.I did,however,have time for a good belly shakin head thrown back laugh.I laughed so hard that I slid to the floor...
...where I noted a wallet.With money hanging out of it.
I perused it's contents against my better judgement,and saw the CA DL of Giganimous Republican Suit White Guy.I strolled into the rear parking lot...and there he was.250 yards away or so.Checking his pockets industriously.Furiously shooing away a homeless guy who--I surmised by his body language--was panhandling.
*Sigh*.It's against the code of the martial artist to maliciously steal.So off I went...walking slowly...toward Giganimous Republican Suit White Guy.Passed by the homeless guy,who hit me up for some change.I said:"Yeah,man.Hold up a sec."
I wasn't even 20 feet away when Giganimous Republican Suit White Guy said in a stern voice:"I don't have any money!" and JUMPED IN HIS MERCEDES,GUNNED THE ENGINE,JERKED IT BACKWARDS...NEARLY HIT ME...I JUMPED OUT THE WAY JUST IN TIME...
...and then he stopped just before he peeled out like he was in the CANNONBALL RUN.I was waving his wallet at him.He glared at me suspiciously through his tinted windows.
"If I wanted to rob you," I shouted over the noise of his engine,through his sound smothering tinted windows,and into his suspicious,fury and fear filled glare,"why would I return your wallet? WITH all it's MONEY in it?" Showed him the wad of bills still untouched.He rolled down the passenger window.I dropped the wallet in it.I turned to walk away.
"Hey..hey...sorry son..." now I was his son.
Apologies.Tells me I'm a good young man.Son.He's not old enough to be my father.After a good 2-3 minutes of booming platitudes,he grandly reaches into his wallet--with some $1000 of cash in it--and gives me a $5 bill.With a smile.I said...this fool gives me 5 spot like he did something big.He's smiling.Waiting for me to say thank you.
I give the 5 spot to my dude the Homeless Guy.Homeless Guy is profuse with the thanks.Giganimous Republican Suit White Guy praises my sense of civic duty,and booms platitudes about how WE--it's WE now--have to be careful not to discourage the rugged individualism that's the core of the American spirit while we're helping the less fortunate,as God commanded us.Because some of THEM--it's CLEAR that I'm NOT one of "THEM" anymore,and I am among the sanctified "US"--may use OUR generosity in destructive ways.Drugs for instance.He frowns as Homeless Guy makes a beeline out of the parking lot.
"Rush Limbaugh couldn't've said it better," I comment dryly to Giganimous Republican Suit White Guy.
"Thanks!" came his booming reply."You listen to Rush Limbaugh?" He seems pleasantly surprised."SON?"
"Hey,listen...SON! Why don't you call me..." gives me his business card..."and we'll do lunch or something?"
This fool is...beyond help.I left.
And yeah...as I was rolling away? I saw Homeless Guy...enjoying a value meal at the local hamburger shack.
