Author Topic: Wisdom from Steven Barnes: looking for love  (Read 1434 times)

Offline Reginald Hudlin

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Wisdom from Steven Barnes: looking for love
« on: May 01, 2010, 06:44:38 pm »
Yesterday I had a coaching call where in twenty minutes I broke through a client's denial and went straight to the heart. I asked her what she wanted in a perfect partner, and she described him. Mind alone mattered, she said. This, I pointed out, simply wasn't true. She didn't care if he died of lung cancer? If he was two hundred pounds overweight? She had to back up and correct that. Then I asked her to describe her perfect partner emotionally. For three minutes she described his "deep self knowledge" and emotional equilibrium, etc. etc. How he would back her up, and support her, and so forth and so on.

I stopped her, and pointed out that no where in her list was the simple word "love" to be found. She broke just wasn't a part of her family dynamic. On a deep level, she didn't know if she was deserving of love. Rather obviously, this is the weak link in her chain. Without healing this, she will enter into a series of loveless unions with damaged people. The simple, awful truth that people will literally kill themselves to avoid facing--we attract people who are at our energy level, and below. If we are not attracted to the people who are attracted to us, we have work to do.

The good news and the bad news are the same: we attract what we are. If you yearn for the type of man or woman who is currently not attracted to us, WE CAN GROW. We can heal, change, learn, wake up. Our partners in life say more about us than almost anything else. The reason this is painful is that it can't easily be faked.

All I do in my coaching is look at those three major arenas, and see where there is a "break" in the energy chain. Survival? Check. Sexuality? Check. Physical health/fitness? Check. Self-love and love for others? Check.

Those are the root. Any problem that doesn't show up in one of these areas probably isn't much of a problem, in comparison. Heal the "weak link" and the entire organism can grow into self-expression, intellectual clarity, and spiritual harmony. Because I know what a fully functioning human being is, it is easy to see where cylinders aren't firing. Most relationships are based on "you don't call me on my bullsh*t and I won't call you on yours." It is critical not to fall into that trap.