from BYRON CRAWFORD:
August 30, 2010
RIP Missouri strip clubs, 1821 - 2010
Now how are girls with decent cans and no father supposed to go to college?
The state just passed some BS law where you can hardly even have a strip club: you can't put on a drunk; the place has to close early; chicks do that thing where they rub their knee into your joint, and you're half afraid she's gonna slip and rupture your testicle, but of course you're not gonna tell her to stop.
That's probably why god gave us two testicles anyway. No homo.
Strip clubs aren't that big in Missouri. I think a guy once told me in high school there were a few strip clubs around here, but I don't even know where they are. They probably suck compared to the ones in Illinois, right across the river, where there literally are no laws - it even says so in Wikipedia.
A handy breakdown of the new law, courtesy of the RFT:
1. The bill bans employees from appearing "nude" inside clubs. (They can appear "semi-nude", though the bill doesn't spell out what "semi-nude" is. Pasties? Underwear? Burkas?)
2. Alcohol cannot be sold, used or consumed on the premise.
3. Strip clubs must close by midnight.
4. Performers must keep at least six feet from patrons at all times and under no condition can touch a customer. (Adios, lap dances!)