Author Topic: I Think Herman Cain Is Just Screwing With Us  (Read 2509 times)

Offline Reginald Hudlin

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I Think Herman Cain Is Just Screwing With Us
« on: June 10, 2011, 08:58:14 am »
THE BLACK SNOB:

I Think Herman Cain Is Just Screwing With Us
Friday, June 10, 2011 at 9:58AM
The 2012 presidential election continues to look like "The Great Race for Second" on the Republican side with Newt Gingrich's campaign staff resigning en masse because he's completely delusional and my fair Mittens Romney bypassing Iowa polls he knows he's destined to lose because he doesn't look like he hates science enough. But the greatest sign of, "All the serious Republicans said, 'Eff it. I'm waiting until the Hopey Changey guy can't run anymore," is the emergence of Herman Cain as your debate-winning, "I can't be racist because I totally thought the black guy gave the best Tea Party-esque speech" candidate.

More after the jump.

Back in 2008 when I must have an amazing amount of free time on my hands because I was updating this blog six times a day and writing investigative story series (Lord, where did all that time go?), I wrote an entire series on black Conservatives on the candidacy of Barack Obama. One of those conservatives featured was Herman Cain. At the time, the Godfather Pizza CEO was on the radio, doing some sort of bootleg J.C. Watts by-the-way of Michael Steele thingy. But what worked for yesterday's black conservative isn't going to fly in the hard right world of the Republican primary.

So Cain has come out swinging for the non-sensical, gimmicky extreme. Which is really just a game to win over the Tea Party Caucus that keeps the actual RNC up at night, in feverish sweats, for fear of the day the fringe completely takes over and finally kicks out Daddy Warbucks and Rich Uncle Pennybags, replacing your near-extinct, money-loving, Kennebunkport-based, war-profiteering Republican dinosaurs with ... shudder ... Glenn Beck and the ghost of Richard Nixon's dog, Checkers.

“I want people in my administration that are committed to the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution of the United States. I don’t want any inkling of anybody in my administration who would put Sharia law over American law. I have not found a Muslim that has said that they will denounce Sharia law, you know, in order to support the Constitution of the United States.”

– Herman Cain, on the Laura Ingraham radio show

He's the new Alan Keyes! Just as conservative and still not making sense. But not as far on the crazy train as Keyes ... yet. (Keyes is a "birther" after all.) But, to Cain's credit, he's really trying to get on board. After all, no one gets to be an RNC rock star these days without embracing the extreme. A moderate black conservative? Bah. They tried one of those once. And they totally voted for Obama. You can't trust 'em.

So Cain is running around demanding that Muslims -- if they want to work for his "administration" -- take loyalty oaths and speak out against the terrorists in their alleged midsts while saying that Tea Party members aren't racist and shouldn't all be stereotyped as racists just because they've got a few wacky bad eggs. That's just not fair, you know? To judge a whole group by the actions of the few. So not fair. One racist doesn't make them all racist! BTW, Muslims, why won't you denounce the terrorists who say they are the same faith as you? Hmmm. Why won't you do that? If you're good you've got nothing to hide! But, the Tea Party doesn't have to speak out against their racist members, because those bigots acted on their own and do not reflect the overall views of the Tea Party Caucus!

No hypocrisy there! So easy to understand! Glad Cain cleared that up for me. That way, when I start casting the big stones at sinners, I'll know who to hit first.

Cain is also a BIG fan of the U.S. Constitution and Declaration of Independence, while seemingly not having read either. Which is always nice. I'm a big fan of Harry Potter. Is that the one about that wardrobe and the Lion Jesus? I love the one with the Lion Jesus! Especially the part where he turns into Magneto and leads the Smurfs to fight the battle of Helm's Deep right after telling Dorothy Hamill, "Simba, I am your father." Then he dies and turns into Space Jesus and looks down on a bunch of Teddy Bears throwing a rave while Indiana Jones is dressed like a Samurai.

Good stuff.

So, Cain is promising that if he's Mayor McCheese he won't let the lobbyists making out with Congress write any bills that are more than three pages long. And then, to deal with that pesky immigration problem he's going to erect the Great Wall of China North America, filling the Rio Grande with 'gators or something.

For real. He said that sh*t.


As BRILLIANT as all these ideas sound, I have to think Cain is just screwing with us. Dude can't be serious. I know conservatives like to act like Democrats are drinking the blood of fetuses at the Obama's Abortionplex, but you rarely see this kind of pandering on with Democratic candidates. The most you'll ever get from them is some vague pledge to uphold the views of the Labor Movement that they'll walk back on the minute someone asks them to clarify their statements. I can't think of the last time I watched Barack Obama make out with Louis Farrakahn for 15 minutes, then get gay married to him on the 50 yard line of Soldiers Field.

Nope. All I ever get is crap like former Congresswoman Cynthia McKinney going on Libyan television to denounce President Obama. 

Every time a conservative running for President pretends like if he or she gets elected they're going to fight Sharia Law while having the world's greatest hate sex with a copy of Atlas Shrugged, the same folks seem to fall for it, then are shocked, SHOCKED when former President Bush doesn't actually do that much to stop gay people from existing and outlaw abortion. Because President Bush probably knows some gay people and probably actually doesn't hate them, but is just giving you some lip service so you'll shut up and let him be King of the Hill a little longer. All he ends up doing is making it harder for women to get an abortion and lazily says "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" something-something and calls it compromise.

What's amazing to me is that this crap works and no one really calls these assholes on it. No one just says to Cain's face, "How in the hell would you build a Great Wall of China on the American-Mexican border? No serious. How? How much money would it cost? How long would it take? Who would pay for it? How would we pay for it? What contractors would build it and how would you get that sh*t approved by Congress? And wouldn't a wall that treats our neighbors to the South like the Mongol hoards ruin our diplomatic and business relations with a country we deal with everything from oil to manufacturing labor for? How would it affect wildlife? What's going to happen to the Rio Grande, the RIVER we share with Mexico along the boarder? What about the economy of Texas that DEPENDS on a somewhat open border policy with Mexico? EXPLAIN!!!"

Cain has already tried to walk back the stupid that were his comments on Muslims, but ... seriously. If we can examine whether or not that's Anthony Weiner's dong for a week, is it that hard to ask Republican presidential contenders to back up their pandering with some reasoning. Fine. I get it. Saying you're going to stick it to the El Salvadoran busboy who makes sure you don't eat your Chili's babyback ribs off a dirty plate really wins over the folks in the sticks. But just for that, Democratic candidates should ALSO get to creatively lie to me with the same frequency and outrageousness. Giving lip service to collective bargaining doesn't count. I want folks to actually say Darwin was right while driving a car with the stupid "Evolve" decal on the back. I want candidates who describe themselves as being "a Deist, like Abraham Lincoln," or who don't believe in God at all. Or describe themselves as Buddhist pacifists. I don't want some hushed murmuring about "clinging to your God and guns" at some Democratic fundraiser where you convince David Geffen that secretly, deep down, you're some fantasy league liberal. I want Democrats to grab the mic on CNN and just call everyone on the fringe a bunch of ignorant, racist, gun-obsessed ideological slaves with dreams of being master when in reality they will always be poor and will all die of crap no one dies of anymore because they're against universal healthcare.

Then quote some Marx. Karl or Groucho. I'm not picky.

Then I want them to hug a tree so hard and suggest, without irony, putting Noam Chomsky in charge of the FCC, making Chuck D. poet laureate of the United States, providing reparations for descendents of former slaves and propose giving Montana, Maine and friggin' Manhattan back to the Native Americans.

THEN when they get called out on TV for being insane I want them to be able to walk just a little bit back from that, claim they found "the middle ground" by offering free private schooling and college to all black people and Native Americans and have folks call them "reasonable" and still get elected.

Fair's fair.


Offline Battle

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Re: I Think Herman Cain Is Just Screwing With Us
« Reply #1 on: June 14, 2011, 07:54:53 am »
The former CEO of Godfather's Pizza franchise...?!


Are you kidding me??? ;D

Offline Mastrmynd

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Re: I Think Herman Cain Is Just Screwing With Us
« Reply #2 on: June 14, 2011, 11:56:59 am »
before he ran for office, he was a talk show host here in atlanta.
a black neal bortz, if you will.
at first i didnt think he was for real....but i soon learned that he was.
so sad.


Listen to my entertaining radio show, "The Takeover: Top 20 Countdown" at www.top20takeover.VVCRadio.com.

Right on to the real and death to the fakers!  Peace out!

Offline Battle

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Re: I Think Herman Cain Is Just Screwing With Us
« Reply #3 on: June 14, 2011, 06:27:28 pm »
before he ran for office, he was a talk show host here in atlanta.
a black neal bortz, if you will.
at first i didnt think he was for real....but i soon learned that he was.
so sad.




HOLY sh*t!!!
Where da fu(k you've been???   Welcome back to HEF!

Offline Mastrmynd

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Re: I Think Herman Cain Is Just Screwing With Us
« Reply #4 on: July 08, 2011, 10:43:37 am »
Hey Battle!
  I've been around...just incognegro.
 8)


Listen to my entertaining radio show, "The Takeover: Top 20 Countdown" at www.top20takeover.VVCRadio.com.

Right on to the real and death to the fakers!  Peace out!

Offline Battle

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Re: I Think Herman Cain Is Just Screwing With Us
« Reply #5 on: July 08, 2011, 06:34:58 pm »
Hey Battle!
  I've been around...just incognegro.
 8)






Good to hear!
I'm glad to hear you're still out there 'doing tha do'!

Offline Battle

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Re: I Think Herman Cain Is Just Screwing With Us
« Reply #6 on: August 23, 2011, 10:09:06 am »
Herman's Weekly Commentary: "Mr. President, You’re Fired"
Published: Sunday, August 21, 2011

Having served on the Board of Directors of several major corporations over the last twenty years, I have had the responsibility of voting to hire a new CEO, and voting to fire a current CEO many times. In both instances the decision was based on assessed potential and performance.

Directors hold CEOs responsible for results, and the prudent use of company resources such as cash, equity and human resources. Specific metrics are established for both annual and multi-year performance, which are evaluated in making the hire or fire decision.

If a CEO is underperforming and on the brink of being fired, then we look to see if he or she has identified the right problem, and, has established a plan of action to get things back on track. If the plan is convincing and the performance metrics were missed by a reasonable amount, then he or she would be given a specific amount of time to get back on track.

The Board has to decide what’s convincing, what’s reasonable and how much time should be allowed for a course correction. Then take action.

President Obama’s economic policies have failed unreasonably. He has no plan for a course correction. He has promised a plan for focusing on job creation since he has been in office. He has had over two and a half years to get it right, and now he wants a month to write another speech, following a three day bus tour that produced nothing but a bunch of photo-ops. We are not convinced we will hear anything new. A Board’s action would be unanimous.

Mr. President, you’re fired.

I realize that only the voters can fire President Barack Obama in November of 2012. But his performance and his potential plan for serious economic growth are not likely to change anything. The Board of Directors would have no choice.

But America has a choice. Elect Herman Cain president in 2012.

Here’s Phase 1 of my economic growth plan. It’s called the 9-9-9 plan.


  • A 9% business flat tax
Gross income less all investments, all purchases from other businesses, and all dividends paid to shareholders.



  • A 9% individual income flat tax
Gross income less charitable deductions



  • A 9% national sales tax
This significantly expands the tax base which helps everybody


This plan has the following advantages:
  • It is fair, revenue neutral, transparent and efficient
  • Zero tax on capital gains and repatriated profits
  • Replaces the payroll tax
  • Will aid capital availability for small businesses
  • Saves taxpayers $430 billion in annual compliance costs
  • It eliminates the uncertainty holding this economy down

Current economic conditions call for bold moves to boost and supercharge this economy. If we are in an economic recovery as the administration claims, this economy is still 6 million jobs below the worst recovery since the Great Depression. The latest evidence shows that we are still in economic decline.

This plan is bold and doable. It has been developed and analyzed by some of the best economic minds in the nation. Remember, I surround myself with good people. That’s the key to my success and it will continue to be.

I offer this plan to the president, the Congress and the “super committee”. I could wait until after I am elected president, but America can’t keep waiting.

Struggling businesses and fifteen million unemployed people can’t wait.

We need serious economic growth NOW! Please Mr. President, just do it! 

Offline BmoreAkuma

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Re: I Think Herman Cain Is Just Screwing With Us
« Reply #7 on: August 24, 2011, 05:33:17 am »
Here’s Phase 1 of my economic growth plan. It’s called the 9-9-9 plan.


  • A 9% business flat tax
Gross income less all investments, all purchases from other businesses, and all dividends paid to shareholders.



  • A 9% individual income flat tax
Gross income less charitable deductions



  • A 9% national sales tax
This significantly expands the tax base which helps everybody


This plan has the following advantages:
  • It is fair, revenue neutral, transparent and efficient
  • Zero tax on capital gains and repatriated profits
  • Replaces the payroll tax
  • Will aid capital availability for small businesses
  • Saves taxpayers $430 billion in annual compliance costs
  • It eliminates the uncertainty holding this economy down
hmmm interesting. the business flat tax will it stop the loopholes? The sales tax for the entire country in way would be unfair for the common joe. But then again it does raise some concerns for states that don't have any at all. I kinda support a "national sales tax" but don't this make the "government too big" as many of the repubs claim?
With these choices, I felt that the American black man only needed to choose which one to get eaten by; the liberal fox or the conservative wolf because both of them will eat him.

Offline Curtis Metcalf

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Re: I Think Herman Cain Is Just Screwing With Us
« Reply #8 on: August 24, 2011, 09:40:10 am »
Has anybody seen any economic analysis of his 999 plan?
How much revenue would it generate? Does it create a deficit or a surplus?
"Seek first to understand, then to be understood."
"Be hard on systems, but soft on people."

Offline Catch22

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Re: I Think Herman Cain Is Just Screwing With Us
« Reply #9 on: August 24, 2011, 11:38:21 am »
999, sounds like a weekly pizza special...two large pizza with one topping for $9.99.  Anyhow...how does his national tax plan affect local taxes?  Does he envision abolishing local taxes and just going with a national sales tax?  If not, in municipalities with 7 8 or 9% sales taxes, people will have to pay 16 - 18 cents on the dollar extra for all taxable items.  Does this tax include food?  Some communities don't have taxes or have very low taxes on food.  What's the rate of revenue generated from all his tax plans combined?  I need a budget analysis, STAT!

Offline Battle

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Re: I Think Herman Cain Is Just Screwing With Us
« Reply #10 on: August 24, 2011, 11:45:19 am »
999, sounds like a weekly pizza special...two large pizza with one topping for $9.99.





HA HA HAHAAH!!!

Offline BmoreAkuma

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Re: I Think Herman Cain Is Just Screwing With Us
« Reply #11 on: August 24, 2011, 01:49:35 pm »
Has anybody seen any economic analysis of his 999 plan?
How much revenue would it generate? Does it create a deficit or a surplus?
that is the first thing i thought of as well. Whom are these "economic experts" he speaks of?
With these choices, I felt that the American black man only needed to choose which one to get eaten by; the liberal fox or the conservative wolf because both of them will eat him.

Offline Battle

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Re: I Think Herman Cain Is Just Screwing With Us
« Reply #12 on: October 18, 2011, 10:47:39 am »
Quote
Quote from: Catch22 on August 24, 2011, 01:38:21 PM
999, sounds like a weekly pizza special...two large pizza with one topping for $9.99.