Excuses, Ironies and Noise Incorporated!

Hillbilly Views Blog

"The computer is fun to play with but why should I learn to do anything else with it?

"School is not important…I’m going to put in my application at the (automobile) plant on Monday!

"What do you mean..I’m not graduating with my class? You didn’t teach me anything (of course I have skipped your class since October)! Just give me my makeup work, I’ll have it in on Monday…

"What do you mean…copying my term paper word for word from the internet is an automatic F?

"I’ll put my cell phone up as soon as I text the answers to your test to my friend across the room…

"The answers on both our papers are the same…there is no way I could have flunked..wait a minute…the questions are different…that’s not fair!

"Why should my son have an F…It doesn’t matter that he was late to class every day of the semester…so what if he was only there ten minutes a day…of course I got your message on my answering machine..I didn’t have time to call you back…

"Yeah, I signed for your syllabus with the class requirements…but I didn’t think my kid had to do all that stuff…that’s a lot of work….

"I don’t care if final exams are next week and its the end of the semester…..our family is going on vacation to Florida…can’t you schedule the tests some other time?

"You black teachers don’t know anything..you don’t have any education…everyone knows black people are dumb (from a "black" parent)….

"I want my child transferred to a white teacher ’cause everybody knows these black teachers are ignorant (from a white parent)…..

"All it says is that I have to take the class, it didn’t say I have to pass the class!

"I don’t care if my daughter is the top student in Honors Spanish IV. She is dropping the class and going to work ……she doesn’t need to know a foreign language..she needs to help me pay the bills!

"Yeah…I’m going to engineering school but this is my senior year…I’m dropping Mr. Jones’ calculus class…he gives too much homework and I need to have some fun..besides I haven’t done any work and I have a failing interim and that will mess up my Grade Point Average…and I’m number 1 in my class…!

"How do you know this student is high on drugs….he comes from a fine family…no I have no idea how a five foot tall, 120 pound male child could throw an oak sudent desk weighing close to 40 pounds the 35 foot length of your classroom and make a dent in the wall…….or why he then fell on the floor and started having convulsions…
(from an elderly principal who skipped the in-service on PCP and its affects on young teenagers….never saw this kid again…he is still in the state hospital…)

"You can’d flunk me just because my homework is written in four different handwritings!"

"My son can’t be skipping school…I just dropped him off at the front door…You say you can see him from the window and he is walking away from school…the mounted police officer is walking him back to school…you must be mistaken…hold on a minute, I have another call….I apologize, the police just called me…they picked my kid up walking down the alley behind the school…"

"I know we laid you off on Wednesday…but we don’t have anyone else with the right certification to teach your class….so can you come in on Monday (and every day until the end of the semester)!"

"We can’t order any more textbooks…your textbook is out of print…I have no idea how you are supposed to teach a class of forty students when they have no books!"

"I’m not going to get upset because my daughter stole your extra textbook off your desk…it wasn’t the teacher’s edition…that’s the book I told her to take..I don’t care if it was a personal copy and you paid for it…."

"I know I changed your teaching schedule without asking you, changed your room and gave it to another teacher, cost you the extra pay for chairmanship of the department I moved you out of, overloaded your classes, but I don’t understand why you are retiring!"

As the principal unlocks my door (in the middle of class) and asks why I sent a female student home (because her red thong underwear was showing above the waist of her too-tight jeans) "I don’t see anything wrong with how she is dressed!"

As the same principal stomps into my classroom during my planning period…glares at the 20 seniors who came in an hour early to finish their homework…"What class is this…why are they out of control!" I pull my glasses down on my nose in imitation of my father, "I’t senior study hall and none of them have a class this hour and neither do I!" The principal rapidly back pedals out of the room and disappears down the hall. The seniors finish their homework and keep on talking.

Time passes and I move on.

Comments? Questions? Go to the HEF – Hudlin Entertainment Forum

The White Crime Crisis

Mike Huckabee Speaks On White Crime and Racism
by Dr. Edward Rhymes

"Whites almost never put themselves under the same microscope that Blacks and Latinos are routinely subjected to."

Republican Party darling Mike Huckabee, during a recent speech, decided to dispense some tough love to a predominantly white audience when he voiced his concerns about the state of affairs in American white communities. "The epidemic of whites involved in drunk-driving fatality accidents is deplorable," Huckabee said. He cited the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration’ s 2000 statistics that showed that white male drivers between the ages of 21-34 constituted the largest percentage of drunk (or impaired) drivers in fatal crashes, and the Pacific Institute for Research and Evaluation, Prevention Research Center’s 1999 findings that of the 91,248 alcohol-related driving fatalities, 65,309 were committed by whites.

Huckabee also took aim at the violence perpetrated by whites in school: "White school children killing other school children must stop. The senseless and barbaric school shootings in Pearl, Miss., Paducah, Ky., Jonesboro, Ark., Edinboro, Pa., Springfield, Ore., and Littleton, Colo. serve as chilling reminders of what happens when there is a failure of leadership in the white family."

"White school children killing other school children must stop." Huckabee, a former Arkansas governor, referred to his speech as a wake-up call: "We can’t hide behind the stereotypical image of the Black and Hispanic violent criminal anymore. Before there was ‘gangsta’ rap you had Martin Scorsese, Brian DePalma and Francis Ford Coppola winning award after award and Oscar after Oscar for their films filled with whites committing brutal acts of violence. What type of message does that send if we reward movies that depict such brutality? The Godfather, Casino, Goodfellas, Scarface, Kill Bill, Pulp Fiction. These movies have all contributed to a culture of white violence."

FBI statistics also state that from 2007, of the 57 law enforcement officers killed in the line of duty, 35 of the assailants were white." These statistics signal an alarming trend," said Huckabee. "White politicians don’t want to discuss these issues, but somebody has to speak up."

Huckabee continued his assault on what he called the "white crime epidemic." "The average serial killer is usually male, between the ages of 25-35, and he is usually white. The majority of the time, he will kill victims of his own race. The ages of his victims will vary greatly, depending on his particular ‘interests.’ His intellect ranges from below average to above average. He doesn’t usually know his victims or have any particular hatred for them personally (though they might be symbolic to him in some way) most of the time… His victims never did anything to hurt him in any way…they are normally strangers to him. He doesn’t come from one social class or another; he can come from skid row or Park Avenue. The typical child abductor-murderer is, likewise, usually a white male. They are single and about 27 years old. They are either unemployed or work in unskilled jobs, live alone or with parents, while their victims are typically 11-year-old white females from middle class neighborhoods. "

"These movies have all contributed to a culture of white violence." The explosion of white criminality has been breathtaking. Child sex offenses are among the fastest growing offenses of the federal criminal caseload from 1994 to 2006 and during 2006, 3,661 suspects were referred to U.S. Attorneys for child sex exploitation offenses. Child pornography constituted 69% of referrals, followed by sex abuse (16%) and sex transportation (14%). Most suspects charged with sex exploitation were white, male, U.S. citizens, and had attended some college. "Where do we point the finger for this?" asked Huckabee, citing statistics from a December 2007 report of the Justice Department’s Office of Juvenile Justice.

Huckabee lashed out at those he called "social and moral vampires." "Child pornography or kiddie porn is a crime whose perpetrators are overwhelmingly white and whose victims are disproportionately white," he said. "This too must stop. Even in our sacred institutions such as our churches, specifically in far too many Roman Catholic churches, our innocent white children are being preyed upon."

"Most suspects charged with sex exploitation were white, male, U.S. Citizens." "Do you realize that nearly 70 percent of those serving time for violent crimes against children are white?" Huckabee said, this time citing figures from the Survey of Inmates of State Correctional Facilities by the U.S. Department of Justice Bureau of Justice Statistics. "And white inmates were nearly three times more likely to have victimized a child than black inmates. What are we doing to ourselves?" he wondered. "Susan Smith, Andrea Yates and Deanna Laney represent a frightening pattern of murder and neglect of white children by white mothers…. And do they take responsibility? No. They either blame it on some phantom black man or say God made them do it." Huckabee also referenced reports over recent years of white female teachers sexually exploiting their minor students.

Huckabee, who was a Republican Party presidential candidate in 2008, also raised the issue of fiscal irresponsibility. "Our current economic crisis can also be traced to a pandemic of greed perpetrated by the predominantly white male old-boys-network. The Federal Bureau of Investigation and the Association of Certified Fraud Examiners estimate the annual cost of white collar crime as being between $300 and $660 billion as of 2005." The preacher-politician paused for effect. "While you’re looking for the Black or Hispanic with the ski-mask and gun, the Bernie Madoff’s are ‘making-off’ with our economic fortunes. How many more Enron’s, Worldcom’s, Tyco’s, HealthSouth’ s, and ImClone’s do we have to endure before we get the message?"

"Our current economic crisis can also be traced to a pandemic of greed perpetrated by the predominantly white male old-boys-network. " Huckabee then turned his focus on white youth and drugs: "It’s the same story for young adults. Whites are 66 percent of 18- to 25-year-olds and 70 percent of drug users that age. Blacks are 13.5 percent of persons in that age group and only 13 percent of young adult users, while Hispanics are nearly 15 percent of that age group, but yet comprise only 12 percent of drug users 18-25. According to the Justice Department, drug users tend to buy from same-race dealers. So the nearly three-quarters of users who are white, mainly rely on white drug dealers, not the Blacks or Hispanics of accepted imagery. When it comes to drugs like Ecstasy and crystal meth – a hot product in suburban America – the dealers and users have long been known to be mostly white, middle-class males between 14 and 32. American society doesn’t want to face the fact that white kids deal and use drugs. They simply can’t look in their faces and see that a nice-looking white kid is selling drugs to their kids, because that would mean that their kids could do this too." "When will it end?" lamented Huckabee.

Author’s confession: Dear reader, this article is only an invention. Mike Huckabee never delivered a speech such as this. However, the statistics cited are very real. As a matter of fact, this piece was first published back in 2005 and has been tweaked to add some more up-to-date stats and a new main character (instead of George W. Bush, Mike Huckabee).

No leading white political or religious leader has ever, to my knowledge, come close to expressing the thoughts and views outlined in this composition. Whites almost never put themselves under the same microscope that Blacks and Latinos are routinely subjected to.

Let’s think about it, when the tragedy at Columbine occurred there were literally hundreds of news stories asking the question: "Why are our kids becoming so violent?" Not, "Why are white kids becoming so violent, but "our" kids. Now let’s contrast that with what happens when a black child is killed in a predominantly black community. The newspaper accounts more often than not refer to "the problem of black-on-black crime" or "violence amongst black youth."

"The face of white crime is at least as ugly as its Black and Latino counterparts. " There are two scenarios unfolding here: 1) De-emphasizing or minimizing ethnicity. When the crime is perpetrated by whites, color is not the issue; the issue is "our" children and violence. 2) Emphatic emphasizing and alienation when blacks are deemed the culprits. It is no longer "our" kids; it is "black" kids or youth. There’s a big difference.

The raw numbers speak eloquently and the narrative regarding the "deracialization" of offenses committed predominantly by whites, couldn’t be more clear. The face of white crime is at least as ugly as its Black and Latino counterparts. The case can be made that the broad scope of white multi-collar anti-social behavior penetrates even more deeply than that of non-whites into the very fabric of American society (given their historical and current control of the U.S. power structure). Yet, in the USA, one must concoct a fictitious speech, such as mine, to convey, in part, the extent of white criminal behavior. For too many whites, the facts of actual white misdeeds are unbearable truths.